Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Source (Google.com.pk)

A kid asks his father:

- Daddy, why do dogs keep licking their crotch?

- The reason is, my dear son, that dogs cannot make a paw into a fist. 

In a sex toys store a guy asks for an inflatable doll. The seller:

- Would you like a regular one, or the one with artificial intellect?

- With artificial intellect, please.

The next day the same guy returns and asks:

- Please change it to a regular one…

- Why?

- She didn't give it to me.

Prostitute – that’s a profession. A bitch – that’s for the lifetime.

In the tests of vibrators the result “satisfying” is better than “good”.

When I was young there was no difference who we wanted to call in our seances – it all ended up with prostitutes coming.

Question: How do yogis perform an enema? 

Answer: They sit down in a puddle and breath in deeply…

A math student fell asleep while thinking about a solution for a sex problem. He woke up with the solution at his hand.  

My brother was so mean when I was a child. He used to glue the pages of his porn magazines together so I couldn't look at them.

Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed:

- What’s up?

- What’s up?, - some man asks.

Dentist:

- Who are you?

- I’m Monica’s husband

Dentist:

- Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!

Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".

WTF? = Where's The Food?

- Lady, how many s*x partners have you had?

- Three.. oh no, wait... nine - I have forgotten one case.

A girl comes to a gynecologist. She undresses and sits down with legs wide

apart. Doctor:

- Up!

The girl lift her legs up.

- Up!

The girl lifts her legs even higher.

- Up!!! – shouts doc.

Girl: - Doc, I can’t lift them higher.

Doc: - The office of gynecologist is up on the Second Floro. It‘s the barber shop here.

Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.

North America, few hundred years ago. An Indian is sitting, smokes a pipe.

Breathes in, breathes out. His son comes up to him:

- Daddy, I have a question

- Well, what is it?

- Why do we have such long names? Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar.

- Our names come from nature. When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew. When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset. So that why she got the name Red Sunset. So, do you have any more questions, F***ing Bison?

Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick

already. On thinks of an idea:

- Guys, lets play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole.

- I can arrange a stick, – one says.

- I will get a ball, - adds another.

- Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes

to a taxi driver and asks:

- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.

- F**k off, no money, no ride.

The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.

He goes to the first taxi and says:

- Will you take me home for 100$?

- Sure!

- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well

- F**k off, man..

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Dirty Jokes That Are Funny

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Source (google,com.pk)

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.

I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state.

Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.

If you can't read this, you're illiterate.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

He who hesitates is boss.

As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never.

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes

to a taxi driver and asks:

- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.

- F**k off, no money, no ride.

The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.

He goes to the first taxi and says:

- Will you take me home for 100$?

- Sure!

- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well

- F**k off, man..

The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:

- Will you take me home for 100$?

- Sure!

- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Very Funny Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Source (Google.com.pk)

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.

I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state.

Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.

If you can't read this, you're illiterate.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

He who hesitates is boss.

As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never.

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny And Dirty Jokes

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Source (Google.com.pk)

A kid asks his father:

- Daddy, why do dogs keep licking their crotch?

- The reason is, my dear son, that dogs cannot make a paw into a fist. 

In a sex toys store a guy asks for an inflatable doll. The seller:

- Would you like a regular one, or the one with artificial intellect?

- With artificial intellect, please.

The next day the same guy returns and asks:

- Please change it to a regular one…

- Why?

- She didn't give it to me.

Prostitute – that’s a profession. A bitch – that’s for the lifetime.

In the tests of vibrators the result “satisfying” is better than “good”.

When I was young there was no difference who we wanted to call in our seances – it all ended up with prostitutes coming.

Question: How do yogis perform an enema? 

Answer: They sit down in a puddle and breath in deeply…

A math student fell asleep while thinking about a solution for a sex problem. He woke up with the solution at his hand.  

My brother was so mean when I was a child. He used to glue the pages of his porn magazines together so I couldn't look at them.

Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed:

- What’s up?

- What’s up?, - some man asks.

Dentist:

- Who are you?

- I’m Monica’s husband

Dentist:

- Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!

Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".

WTF? = Where's The Food?

- Lady, how many s*x partners have you had?

- Three.. oh no, wait... nine - I have forgotten one case.

A girl comes to a gynecologist. She undresses and sits down with legs wide

apart. Doctor:

- Up!

The girl lift her legs up.

- Up!

The girl lifts her legs even higher.

- Up!!! – shouts doc.

Girl: - Doc, I can’t lift them higher.

Doc: - The office of gynecologist is up on the Second Floro. It‘s the barber shop here.

Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.

North America, few hundred years ago. An Indian is sitting, smokes a pipe.

Breathes in, breathes out. His son comes up to him:

- Daddy, I have a question

- Well, what is it?

- Why do we have such long names? Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar.

- Our names come from nature. When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew. When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset. So that why she got the name Red Sunset. So, do you have any more questions, F***ing Bison?

Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick

already. On thinks of an idea:

- Guys, lets play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole.

- I can arrange a stick, – one says.

- I will get a ball, - adds another.

- Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes

to a taxi driver and asks:

- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.

- F**k off, no money, no ride.

The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.

He goes to the first taxi and says:

- Will you take me home for 100$?

- Sure!

- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well

- F**k off, man..

The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:

- Will you take me home for 100$?

- Sure!

- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Source (google.com.pk)

 “I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note: "I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants." So I wrote back: "Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.” 

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which gender is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, "Here's something I have that you'll never have!" The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She lifts her dress, drops her knickers, and yells, "My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!” 

 “Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it? A last name! And shame on you for thinking it was something else.” 

 “A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next several months, he saw her doing this often. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning differently. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, and started stroking himself, moaning, "I need a bike! I need a bike!” 

“A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was...God, I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get really screwed!” 

 “A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.” 

 “A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake in the living room?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch! It was sweet!” 

“A man and a woman were approaching their 50th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, the woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night, and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. On their anniversary night, at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." The man replies, "Madge, hon, that's because they are sitting in your soup.” 

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes

Really Funny Dirty Jokes