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Monday 23 June 2014

Good Short Dirty Jokes

Source (google.com.pk)

My boss thrust a picture under my nose, “What the fcuk is this?!” he asked.

“Well,” I calmly replied, “It appears to be a photo of me fcuking your wife. You know that’s not real don’t you? It’s clearly been Photoshopped.”

“What?” he said, relaxing slightly, “How can you tell?”

“Well, your wife’s t*ts aren’t that big and they’ve airbrushed out the mole by her pussy.”

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If my son farts or has his hands down his pants, my wife smiles and says, “Like father, like son!”

Yesterday we caught him shagging the neighbour, but for some reason it wasn’t funny when I said it.

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My missus dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, “You’re being charged with being good in bed…”

After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence.

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Saw two girls at the bar last night, so I approached the one and said, “Can I borrow your lighter mate?”

She said, “I don’t smoke.”

“Neither do I,” I replied, “I want to dance with your fit friend, you tubby fcuk.”

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Me and my buddy were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography.

Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

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My wife shouted upstairs, “The sun’s just come out.”

I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs.

I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

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My son asked, “Dad, how come I have brown skin and you are white?”

“Well just look at your mum, son.” I said.

“But she’s not black.”

“I know, you idiot!” I replied, “She’s a fcuking whore!”

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My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.She said she just couldn’t take it any longer.

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I was fcuking the wife last night and, after cumming for the second time, I rolled over.

My wife was not impressed and said, “How about finishing me off now?”

So I smothered her with my pillow.

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I got out of the shower and my wife said, “Ooo look, it’s like a penis… only smaller.”

I said, “Ooo look, it’s like my secretary… only fatter and less flexible.”

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One day a father comes home and catches his daughter on da couch shoving a cucumber in her pussy. The father says to her “fcuk me you are such a selfish little bitch, I was gonna eat that later but now its gonna taste like cucumber.”

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I met a really horny bitch on the way home from the pub last night and I commented on how fcukable she looked. She thanked me for the compliment and suggested that I drag her into the bushes and have rough sex with her.

Actually, she said nothing like that but I’ve always had an extraordinary talent for reading between the lines.

Good Short Dirty Jokes