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Funny Jokes Dirty Short

Source (google.com.pk)

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.

Employee: Who's there?

Boss: Not you anymore.

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?

If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?

The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?

Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?

One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?

Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!".

A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother".

Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them ur age...

What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged.

A good friend is like a computer I 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!

sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing a cards and I lost the joker

Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an EarthQuake? A:) MilkShake

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist!

r mosquitoes religious? Yes They first sing over u & then prey on you

What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.\

Funny Jokes Dirty Short